I’ve decided to let the fates win. You got me Fates, I apparently can’t find love.
No, its okay, I’m actually laughing at this one. I recently had a talk with a friend of mine, a girl, who in a drunken rampage devoured what seems to be a weeks supply of 100 calorie cookies in a matter of minutes, had the decency to remind me that my life was that of stand-up comedy. Taking to heart her wonderful comment, she by the way, will now be referred to as Eating Rampage or ER, I decided to come and share with the rest of the world my tale.
This is the tale of The Cobbgoblin tries to date a girl from Craigslist.
I know what your thinking, “well he obviously lost his credit card number and identity out of this exchange.” No, that’s not what happened.
So late at night around a week or two ago, I was perusing Craigslist for, let’s call it love. I stumbled onto an ad that wasn’t asking for the love I was looking for. Reading further I thought, “who am I to say that I cannot find someone on Craigslist?”* After the normal emails back and forth to check, and double check, that yes indeed I was talking to a real person, and NOT your average dating bot, we decided to set up a date. For those of you out in cyberland who don’t know what a date is, I’m sorry but honestly Craigslist might be for you.** We started the date like every other Cobbgoblin date, I took her mini golfing. While we wait for our tee time,*** we try to get to know each other a little bit better. During this time I found out that it had only been four weeks, since she had been dumped by her fiancée. That should have been my first clue that things were not truly okay. But like the Queen song**** driven heart that I have, I decided to press onward. After a rousing game of mini golf, that I won of course*****, we decided to take the traditional step in the progression of the date and dine at the local tex mex eatery, Chevy’s.
I feel that I should take the time out here and go over a few of the questions that were asked of me during mini golf. First being, “you want kids, right?” Another one of my favorites was when I explained my military brat instinct to get up and move every 5 years or so, that I got this gem of a quote, “well I don’t want to get seriously involved with a guy if he’s planning on moving in a few years.” Yes, that’s a great way to think, after 7-8 months of dating, not the first date.
At Chevy’s the real fun began. I decided to dive straight into the old fiancee. I had to know, WHY. I figured that maybe the guy was off his rocker, or for some odd reason this girl was not, crazy.****** The reason being that this guy didn’t spend enough time with her when he wasn’t at work. I thought to myself, well this doesn’t play out, and that’s when she explained to me that she was spoiled, she needed constant attention, and that she normally gets whatever she wants. Then I was questioned as to what type of girl I was attracted to. Ladies of the world, please, don’t ever ask this question to a guy on the first date. If the guy has any common sense or decency, he’ll pass off the question and work around it. I decided not to answer the question, because this girl, however attractive she was, did not fit MY normal description. We decided to end the date there.
Now I know most of you are thinking, why Cobbgoblin, why would you continue to text her after all of this. Its because I’m lonely, and I thought my normal standards may be unreasonable. After a bit of texting later that night we decided on plans for the next night. When the following day came, I checked my phone on an hourly basis waiting for a text message. No such wonder appeared in my inbox. So later that night I wished her a good night and made up my mind that I was done with this girl. She had other plans.
Here’s a little insight into the workings of the Cobbgoblin, I don’t normally give second chances after being stood up. It just doesn’t fly with me. Something about being stood up a few times in my past has made my blood boil, and I get extremely furious because of the wasted time. Five hours in advance is premium time to tell me you can’t make it, but I normally extend it to two hours. A no call, no text, no show? Well that girl has just personally erased herself out of my address book. Basically, don’t stand me up, I don’t like it and I won’t like you. This girl had now stood me up three times.
Around noon my phone rings. After pretty much two days of radio silence from this girl, she decides to call me. Its a ballsy move, but I wasn’t going to budge. A quick knock to silent and I erased the voice mail with ease. A few hours later a text shows up. Now folks on the Internet, you know I’m not one for normally posting verbatim conversations. But this made me laugh.
Girl: Ditch me already? That was a short lived crush
Me: You stood me up 3 times *******
Girl: Ok well if that’s the case I won’t contact you again. And it was only 2… the third time was not a for sure thing
( Now from this text you would assume that she was not going to go any further, and would indeed not contact me again. But about a minute later…)
Girl: But uhhh good luck to you I guess, finally a girl that wants to get to know you and you shut her down. Its fine tho
I’m not one for being an expert on how to win someone back over.******** But I’m pretty sure saying that no other person has ever wanted to get to know me is a pretty sure fire way to NOT get me to respond. I’m wondering if she thought that I would read that and just randomly come to my senses. “Oh shit, what have I done… she is totally right. No other girl ever will want to get to know me.” Just a thought, this is not the way to win back the Cobbgoblin. But she did, during the interesting and story filled date, say something that kinda stung, and made me think about what ER had said a few days ago. CL girl said “what is wrong with you that girls don’t want to be with you” and ER said “How come you’re a head over heels romantic who can’t find love.”********* Both of these made me think, can I find love? What might be wrong with me that I can’t find love? I’ll level with you, I started this post will full intention to leave this as an open ended question. But after pounding out my thoughts, I’ve just decided that I’m going to keep my standards the way they are, because obviously people are falling short, and that really isn’t my problem.
That’s it for today.**********
* This mainly means I’m too cheap to for eharmony, or match.com
** Or you could ask out that cute elf in your WoW guild
*** Disney mini golf courses don’t mess around, this time I opted not to have a caddy
**** It also apparently is a Justin Bieber song, and you know me, I have the Bieber fever
***** Some people say that you’re supposed to let your date win. I’m not so much a believer in this. BUT if she ends up beating me, I will ALWAYS say I let her win
****** Note to self: All women are crazy, stop trying to believe otherwise
******* What can I say, I’m a sucker for a girl with pretty eyes who is interested in me, I should have stopped after the first stand up
******** Who am I kidding, I talked my old boss out of firing me in such a way that I was untouchable for the rest of my stay at that job
********* Honestly ER fell ass backwards into her current happy relationship. I’m very happy for her.
********** Yes its the Glee song, I enjoy Glee. And I promise the next post will be filled with the links that you love to click. My next post being… in 3 years, if you’re lucky