Just Because I Can Lift Heavey Things, Does Not Mean I Want to Help You Move

Posted in Uncategorized on August 28th, 2009 by thecobbgoblin

The other night I decided to get to bed at an early hour.*  As I was setteling in for the evening I recieved a phone call at 12:15, in the morning.  I picked up the phone because I knew the number, and was greeted with a small but shy female voice on the other end.  After the exchanging of pleasentries, my mind began to wander with what this girl wanted from me at such an hour.**  As it turns out she was calling to see if I would help her move.***  At the time I was feeling in a sleepy**** mood, so I agreed to helping out.  My stipulation though was that I recieved my normal “helping a friend move” payment.*****

Before I go any further I would like to point out that your friendly neighborhood Cobbgoblin is always willing to help a friend move ( providing payment is included).  I would however like to stress the word friend in that sentence.  Here’s a little back story on the girl that called me.

– For about two to three weeks of knowing me, she did not take notice of me or make an attempt to talk me.

– When I finally decided to style up my hair, only then did she decide that having my number was the thing to do.******

– Seriously 12:15 AM on a Sunday for me to help her on a Tuesday.  Really a better time could have been found.

– She got all awkward about giving me food for helping her move.  Really, you’re gonna have someone move your stuff and not feed them or pay them.  Doesn’t work like that.

So the day of the move comes along and around 8:30 in the morning I come to the realization that I do not want to help this girl move.  So after much debate, I decided to text her at 9:30 and tell her that I got called into work.******* She proceeds to get all up in my face******** about how I should have put her as my #1 priority.

Either way, I lied, and I don’t feel bad about it.  Call me a bad person I dare you*********

I’ve decided no longer to call it a moment of zen, that’s Jon Stewart’s bit, not mine.  But I’ll save that for a different time.

Cobbgoblin out.


* Early for The Cobbgoblin is anytime before midnight

** You can stop stalking me now ladies, I’m taken.  And yes you in the tree its really quite flattering, but its all too much.

*** Not dancing, but if anyone wants, I can help with that too.

**** I work for Disney, who DIDN’T see this coming?

***** Who thought this link was going to take you to a picture of a hooker?  I know at least one of you did.

****** When we all know that everyone wants a piece of the Cobbgoblin.

******* Totally didn’t get called into work.

********By my face, I mean my iPhone.  Which, when you think about it, is really just the same thing.

********* Double dog dare you.

Welcome back

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25th, 2009 by thecobbgoblin

As I did my bi-weekly search the other day, I was reminded that I still had this site taking up precious internet space.*  After some encouragement from an outside source**, I have decided to take it upon my self to start speaking my mind to the world again.  So rejoice world, I’m here to share my thoughts, feelings, and exasterbations with you once again!***

Which brings me to first post back.

In my line of work**** I get a lot of questions that aren’t the brightest*****.  Answering these questions isn’t the highlight of my day, but its what I have to do.  Here’s where the fun kicks in.  For those of you who don’t know, I work at the Magic Kingdom in Disney World.******  So the questions I receive from guests normally come in waves, and all concern Mickey Mouse, the 3 o’clock Parade, or getting their money back because it happened to rain in Central Florida.*******  What I have decided to compile for you is an example of my favorite guest experiences that have left me with a sense of deep concern for mankind.

While standing underneath a sign that says in BOLD LETTERS******** “Meet Disney Princesses and Fairies HERE” a guest hurriedly approached me and demanded to know why they had waited in the 75 minute line for the Fairies and did not get to see Mickey Mouse.  This would not have been a problem had they asked the 4 other cast members they saw in line.*********

I do realise that this post isn’t all that great.  However, I promise to bring you much more excitement and adventure through later posts.  Basically what I’m saying is; keep your expectations low, and you might be reasonably surprised.

And now for your moment of zen.**********


* And lucky for me, I’m sitting on Prime Interwebs Relestate.  Gotta love when your old college will still let you host your rants about the world for free

** Basically the only person I’ve found so far who actually like touching my naughty bits ( I’m pushing the envelope with this one)

*** Because let’s face it, the Internet needed another blabbering idiot with too much free time.

**** First person to figure out what it is that I do wins 2 Cobbgoblin Coins (about the equivelent of 4 Shrute Bucks, or 10 Stanley Nickels)

***** Word play

****** That’s in Florida… in case you were wondering. And no I cannot get you in for free. DO NOT ASK.

******* How dare the weather ruin their vacation?! Did the weather not know that it was their last day! ( It’s always their last day)

******** Didn’t mean to yell

********* All who I might add, asked them specifically if they knew what they were in line for, and if they needed any help.

********** Its just a rough draft, but I think I’m going places with this!