Don’t Get Excited, This stink of me Writing probably won’t Last Anyways

Posted in Uncategorized on December 2nd, 2010 by thecobbgoblin

I’ve decided to let the fates win.  You got me Fates, I apparently can’t find love.

No, its okay, I’m actually laughing at this one.  I recently had a talk with a friend of mine, a girl, who in a drunken rampage devoured what seems to be a weeks supply of 100 calorie cookies in a matter of minutes, had the decency to remind me that my life was that of stand-up comedy.  Taking to heart her wonderful comment, she by the way, will now be referred to as Eating Rampage or ER, I decided to come and share with the rest of the world my tale.

This is the tale of The Cobbgoblin tries to date a girl from Craigslist.

I know what your thinking, “well he obviously lost his credit card number and identity out of this exchange.” No, that’s not what happened.

So late at night around a week or two ago, I was perusing Craigslist for, let’s call it love.  I stumbled onto an ad that wasn’t asking for the love I was looking for.  Reading further I thought, “who am I to say that I cannot find someone on Craigslist?”*  After the normal emails back and forth to check, and double check, that yes indeed I was talking to a real person, and NOT your average dating bot, we decided to set up a date.  For those of you out in cyberland who don’t know what a date is, I’m sorry but honestly Craigslist might be for you.**  We started the date like every other Cobbgoblin date, I took her mini golfing.  While we wait for our tee time,*** we try to get to know each other a little bit better.  During this time I found out that it had only been four weeks, since she had been dumped by her fiancée.  That should have been my first clue that things were not truly okay.  But like the Queen song**** driven heart that I have, I decided to press onward.  After a rousing game of mini golf, that I won of course*****, we decided to take the traditional step in the progression of the date and dine at the local tex mex eatery, Chevy’s.

I feel that I should take the time out here and go over a few of the questions that were asked of me during mini golf.  First being, “you want kids, right?”  Another one of my favorites was when I explained my military brat instinct to get up and move every 5 years or so, that I got this gem of a quote, “well I don’t want to get seriously involved with a guy if he’s planning on moving in a few years.”  Yes, that’s a great way to think, after 7-8 months of dating, not the first date.

At Chevy’s the real fun began.  I decided to dive straight into the old fiancee.  I had to know, WHY.  I figured that maybe the guy was off his rocker, or for some odd reason this girl was not, crazy.******  The reason being that this guy didn’t spend enough time with her when he wasn’t at work.  I thought to myself, well this doesn’t play out, and that’s when she explained to me that she was spoiled, she needed constant attention, and that she normally gets whatever she wants.  Then I was questioned as to what type of girl I was attracted to.  Ladies of the world, please, don’t ever ask this question to a guy on the first date.  If the guy has any common sense or decency, he’ll pass off the question and work around it.  I decided not to answer the question, because this girl, however attractive she was, did not fit MY normal description.  We decided to end the date there.

Now I know most of you are thinking, why Cobbgoblin, why would you continue to text her after all of this.  Its because I’m lonely, and I thought my normal standards may be unreasonable.  After a bit of texting later that night we decided on plans for the next night.  When the following day came, I checked my phone on an hourly basis waiting for a text message.  No such wonder appeared in my inbox.  So later that night I wished her a good night and made up my mind that I was done with this girl.  She had other plans.

Here’s a little insight into the workings of the Cobbgoblin, I don’t normally give second chances after being stood up.  It just doesn’t fly with me.  Something about being stood up a few times in my past has made my blood boil, and I get extremely furious because of the wasted time.  Five hours in advance is premium time to tell me you can’t make it, but I normally extend it to two hours.  A no call, no text, no show?  Well that girl has just personally erased herself out of my address book.  Basically, don’t stand me up, I don’t like it and I won’t like you.  This girl had now stood me up three times.

Around noon my phone rings.  After pretty much two days of radio silence from this girl, she decides to call me.  Its a ballsy move, but I wasn’t going to budge.  A quick knock to silent and I erased the voice mail with ease.  A few hours later a text shows up.  Now folks on the Internet, you know I’m not one for normally posting verbatim conversations.  But this made me laugh.

Girl: Ditch me already? That was a short lived crush

Me: You stood me up 3 times 🙁 *******

Girl: Ok well if that’s the case I won’t contact you again.  And it was only 2… the third time was not a for sure thing

( Now from this text you would assume that she was not going to go any further, and would indeed not contact me again.  But about a minute later…)

Girl: But uhhh good luck to you I guess, finally a girl that wants to get to know you and you shut her down.  Its fine tho

I’m not one for being an expert on how to win someone back over.******** But I’m pretty sure saying that no other person has ever wanted to get to know me is a pretty sure fire way to NOT get me to respond.  I’m wondering if she thought that I would read that and just randomly come to my senses.  “Oh shit, what have I done… she is totally right.  No other girl ever will want to get to know me.”  Just a thought, this is not the way to win back the Cobbgoblin.  But she did, during the interesting and story filled date, say something that kinda stung, and made me think about what ER had said a few days ago.  CL girl said “what is wrong with you that girls don’t want to be with you” and ER said “How come you’re a head over heels romantic who can’t find love.”*********  Both of these made me think, can I find love?  What might be wrong with me that I can’t find love?  I’ll level with you, I started this post will full intention to leave this as an open ended question.  But after pounding out my thoughts, I’ve just decided that I’m going to keep my standards the way they are, because obviously people are falling short, and that really isn’t my problem.

That’s it for today.**********

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* This mainly means I’m too cheap to for eharmony, or match.com

** Or you could ask out that cute elf in your WoW guild

*** Disney mini golf courses don’t mess around, this time I opted not to have a caddy

**** It also apparently is a Justin Bieber song, and you know me, I have the Bieber fever

***** Some people say that you’re supposed to let your date win.  I’m not so much a believer in this.  BUT if she ends up beating me, I will ALWAYS say I let her win

****** Note to self: All women are crazy, stop trying to believe otherwise

******* What can I say, I’m a sucker for a girl with pretty eyes who is interested in me, I should have stopped after the first stand up

******** Who am I kidding, I talked my old boss out of firing me in such a way that I was untouchable for the rest of my stay at that job

********* Honestly ER fell ass backwards into her current happy relationship.  I’m very happy for her.

********** Yes its the Glee song, I enjoy Glee.  And I promise the next post will be filled with the links that you love to click.  My next post being… in 3 years, if you’re lucky

Dear Florida, really?

Posted in Uncategorized on September 3rd, 2009 by thecobbgoblin

As I approach a year and a half of living in the “sunshine state“* I have begun to take notice of certain idiosyncrasies** of the people in this state.  Just some habits that tend to make me want to put my head through my windshield.***  Since my previous post was long and tedious and I’m pretty sure most of you just skimmed***** it seemed appropriate that I don’t bore your short attention span with anything but quick cynical statements.******

Dear Florida,

Really, it rains here about 8 of the 12 months of the year and yet you drivers still can’t seem to figure out how to drive when it rains?  Its like you see a few drops come down and decide to stay in for the day unless you absolutely have to leave the house.  Then when you decide to get on the road you drive like you forgot how to drive going 30 over the speed limit with no lights on.  I’m assuming you’re just driving with your eyes closed hoping, praying that you get to your destination on time.  Or you drive like you’re a 14 year old teenager stealing Mom and Dad’s Hyundai for a joy ride around town but you don’t wanna get caught.*******  Either way deal with it, its rain, I constantly thank the good Lord that it doesn’t snow down here, who knows how many pile ups there would be, really.

Your turn signal is your friend, feel free to use it when you decide to change lanes, or when you plan on turning.  Really, I’ve never seen people have such problems with signaling when they decide to cross over 3 lanes of traffic going 60 to try to make it to that exit ramp they had at least a mile and half to get over to.  Oddly enough in this wonderful state, there are those who keep their turn signal on the entire time.  Really, which is a baffle to me because most cars have an automatic shut off for the turn signal when it turns.  It seems like as soon as you put that Florida license plate all driving knowledge that was there previously, instantly vanishes.   Really, Florida drivers, get it together.

Your concerned friend,

The Cobbgoblin

That’s all for today.*******

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* I like to think that the yellow and orange and such is SUN!

** Wowsers The Cobbgoblin, that’s a pretty big smart word!****

*** No biggie right?

**** Thank you

***** Or started pointing out my grammatical errors… Slugger

****** Because really, I do this all for you.  That’s right I’m talking to all 5 of you readers out there.

******* Ah to be young again

******** Might be a little PG for young eyes, I mean, I had to look away

And Now, Let’s Talk About Star Wars

Posted in Uncategorized on September 2nd, 2009 by thecobbgoblin

It has been a long standing debate amongst my friends and I; which Star Wars movie is better, Empire Strikes Back, or Return of the Jedi.  Understand that I am obviously not unbiased in this argument, but I feel that there should at least be some closure on the subject.  That and my friends don’t believe I would actually write out a long standing paper* about how I am right.**  So without further interruption, I give you:

Empire or Jedi: The Debate from a Long Time Ago, about a Galaxy Far Far Away

Among the fans of Star Wars franchise there tends to arise a constant debate.  This debate is stems from the passion the fans of Star Wars have about their favorite movie.  What these fans often fail to consider, is that just because a movie is their favorite, does not make it the better movie.  More often than not the fans’ feelings get attached to a particular episode of Star Wars and, to them, it becomes the episode unto which all other episodes are measured against.  It has been found that the main split in the debate comes between which episode, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back or Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, is the better movie.  While Jedi is the culmination of the events of its former two movies, Empire delivers passion, action, and the essential plot and character development that is vital for a film to stand by itself in the movie industry.  This ability to stand alone outside of the series, unlike Return of the Jedi, makes The Empire Strikes Back the better of the two films.

Return of the Jedi, is an excellent culmination of the series and in no way a sub par film.  Without Jedi, there are several loose ends that get tied up, however they were not pivotal points that needed to be wrapped up.  There are a few instances in which Return of the Jedi does shine.  The beginning of the film displays the rescue of the smuggler turned Alliance member Han Solo, Princess Leia in the most attractive outfit she will wear, and Luke Skywalker almost becoming a full fledged Jedi.  Jedi also has some of the best action sequences, from the battle on Tattooine, to the Battle of Endor (this includes both the space battle at the Second Death Star, as well as the battle on the forest moon of Endor).  Yet these breath taking action events, as well as the eventual overthrow of the Emperor*** do not make up for what is missing from Jedi to make it the better movie.

What Return of the Jedi ultimately lacks is what most major motion pictures tend to lack when action is the focus.  That of course is the character development and plot progression.  The events of Jedi go as such; Han’s rescue, battle on Jabba’s sand barge, Luke comforts a dying Yoda, planning to attack the Second Death Star, the Battle of Endor, Emperor’s death, to finally the end of the movie.  The film is missing the natural progression of events leading up to the Battle of Endor.  Up until the Second Death Star is shown to the audience, the viewer has no idea that a second Death Star was under construction.  More importantly, when did the Rebels gain the information about the second Death Star or find time to assemble such a large and overwhelming strike force.  The audience is just told that this is what will happen, no progression in the film leads to these events.  Finally there is almost no character development in Return of the Jedi.  The majority of the movie is for the fans of Star Wars watch Luke Skywalker finally become a Jedi, and assure the audience that, Good does triumph over Evil.  The reason Jedi does not lack all character development is the final end progression of Anakin Skywalker.  Jedi reveals that after about forty years, the Dark Lord of the Sith finally turns his back on the Dark Side, and take his place alongside Jedi past.  However, it is almost a charity that Jedi is awarded this part in the character development of Anakin Skywalker, seeing as this is culmination of six movies and at least two mini series.  Still there is a startling lack of plot progression and character development to have Return of the Jedi stand up against The Empire Strikes Back.

When it comes to plot and character development as well as an even balance between the action and interludes, The Empire Strikes Back is the clear choice of the movies.  Empire stands alone because of its ability to give you insight to the characters that have been established.  Even without Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Empire establishes the characters in its own film.  A member of the audience could watch Empire without have ever seeing A New Hope and not be confused as to what is happening in the film.  Also there is a basic progression in the plot of the film.  The audience is never left wondering “Why are the onscreen characters doing that?”  In fact each action is explained, and each action helps build the characters.  Love scenes and Luke’s struggle to become a “Jedi like his father before him” are what makes Empire more than just a flashing space battle.  The playful flirting between Han and Leia finally comes to fruition in Empire with Leia’s confession of her love for Han.  This provides closure for the audience, as well as keeps them emotionally attached to the relationship that formed.  Luke’s Jedi trials, as well, reach an apex during his confrontation with Darth Vader.  This light saber battle also delivers one of pivotal lines from the entire trilogy, “Luke, I am your father.”  Darth Vader was responsible for this plot reveal, making Luke second guess his choice to become “a Jedi like his father before him.”  Plot twists keep The Empire Strikes Back moving consistently as opposed to space battles and flashing lights.

  Action sequences, as well, are evenly spread through out The Empire Strikes Back as to not overload the viewer with one flashing space battle after another.  The Battle of Hoth provides an excellent appetizer for the action to follow, which do not take place in space ships, moreover in dazzling hand to hand combat.  Each time confrontation arises between the Empire and the Rebels it is met with a delicate touch and does not blind the viewer with fantastic explosions and the like.  As previously stated the better of the action sequences is not a dazzling battle of space ships, but more an eloquent and well choreographed battle between two light saber wielding Jedi.  These battles kept in check by consistent plot progression keep The Empire Strikes Back a visually stimulating film.

  The debate between which film is the better of the trilogy continues to go on between Star Wars fans.  Unfortunatley the problem with this debate is that it continually is intertwined with the feelings of the fans.  Because of this more often than not each movie’s fan base feels the need to argue which movie is their favorite.  A debate of this manner is not productive nor is it educated.  What is often overlooked is each film’s merits as feats in cinema.  Plot progression, character development as well as action scenes in between, keep a film interesting as well as stimulating to the audience.  Because of these factors that Empire has and Jedi lacks, the better film is Empire.  Return of the Jedi is the coming together of the events set up throughout the trilogy, however plot progression, and character development are very absent from the film, making The Empire Strikes Back the better of the two films.

 

There ya have it folks, I figured I’d beat you over the head with just how right I am.****  I’d like to thank Dr. McClurken***** for essentially teaching me how to write like that, and if they are any imperfections, that was all me.******

That’s it for today.

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* Paper, blog post, really the same thing right.  AND I’m saving trees, I’ll take any and all nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize

** Just in case you didn’t know, I’m always right.

*** No pun intended really

**** Once again, I’m always right.

***** Feel free to follow him on twitter here, and also tell him any of your thoughts on me or my discussion above

****** Just because I’m right doesn’t mean I’m perfect… sheesh people what do you think I am?!

Just Because I Can Lift Heavey Things, Does Not Mean I Want to Help You Move

Posted in Uncategorized on August 28th, 2009 by thecobbgoblin

The other night I decided to get to bed at an early hour.*  As I was setteling in for the evening I recieved a phone call at 12:15, in the morning.  I picked up the phone because I knew the number, and was greeted with a small but shy female voice on the other end.  After the exchanging of pleasentries, my mind began to wander with what this girl wanted from me at such an hour.**  As it turns out she was calling to see if I would help her move.***  At the time I was feeling in a sleepy**** mood, so I agreed to helping out.  My stipulation though was that I recieved my normal “helping a friend move” payment.*****

Before I go any further I would like to point out that your friendly neighborhood Cobbgoblin is always willing to help a friend move ( providing payment is included).  I would however like to stress the word friend in that sentence.  Here’s a little back story on the girl that called me.

– For about two to three weeks of knowing me, she did not take notice of me or make an attempt to talk me.

– When I finally decided to style up my hair, only then did she decide that having my number was the thing to do.******

– Seriously 12:15 AM on a Sunday for me to help her on a Tuesday.  Really a better time could have been found.

– She got all awkward about giving me food for helping her move.  Really, you’re gonna have someone move your stuff and not feed them or pay them.  Doesn’t work like that.

So the day of the move comes along and around 8:30 in the morning I come to the realization that I do not want to help this girl move.  So after much debate, I decided to text her at 9:30 and tell her that I got called into work.******* She proceeds to get all up in my face******** about how I should have put her as my #1 priority.

Either way, I lied, and I don’t feel bad about it.  Call me a bad person I dare you*********

I’ve decided no longer to call it a moment of zen, that’s Jon Stewart’s bit, not mine.  But I’ll save that for a different time.

Cobbgoblin out.

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* Early for The Cobbgoblin is anytime before midnight

** You can stop stalking me now ladies, I’m taken.  And yes you in the tree its really quite flattering, but its all too much.

*** Not dancing, but if anyone wants, I can help with that too.

**** I work for Disney, who DIDN’T see this coming?

***** Who thought this link was going to take you to a picture of a hooker?  I know at least one of you did.

****** When we all know that everyone wants a piece of the Cobbgoblin.

******* Totally didn’t get called into work.

********By my face, I mean my iPhone.  Which, when you think about it, is really just the same thing.

********* Double dog dare you.

Welcome back

Posted in Uncategorized on August 25th, 2009 by thecobbgoblin

As I did my bi-weekly search the other day, I was reminded that I still had this site taking up precious internet space.*  After some encouragement from an outside source**, I have decided to take it upon my self to start speaking my mind to the world again.  So rejoice world, I’m here to share my thoughts, feelings, and exasterbations with you once again!***

Which brings me to first post back.

In my line of work**** I get a lot of questions that aren’t the brightest*****.  Answering these questions isn’t the highlight of my day, but its what I have to do.  Here’s where the fun kicks in.  For those of you who don’t know, I work at the Magic Kingdom in Disney World.******  So the questions I receive from guests normally come in waves, and all concern Mickey Mouse, the 3 o’clock Parade, or getting their money back because it happened to rain in Central Florida.*******  What I have decided to compile for you is an example of my favorite guest experiences that have left me with a sense of deep concern for mankind.

While standing underneath a sign that says in BOLD LETTERS******** “Meet Disney Princesses and Fairies HERE” a guest hurriedly approached me and demanded to know why they had waited in the 75 minute line for the Fairies and did not get to see Mickey Mouse.  This would not have been a problem had they asked the 4 other cast members they saw in line.*********

I do realise that this post isn’t all that great.  However, I promise to bring you much more excitement and adventure through later posts.  Basically what I’m saying is; keep your expectations low, and you might be reasonably surprised.

And now for your moment of zen.**********

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* And lucky for me, I’m sitting on Prime Interwebs Relestate.  Gotta love when your old college will still let you host your rants about the world for free

** Basically the only person I’ve found so far who actually like touching my naughty bits ( I’m pushing the envelope with this one)

*** Because let’s face it, the Internet needed another blabbering idiot with too much free time.

**** First person to figure out what it is that I do wins 2 Cobbgoblin Coins (about the equivelent of 4 Shrute Bucks, or 10 Stanley Nickels)

***** Word play

****** That’s in Florida… in case you were wondering. And no I cannot get you in for free. DO NOT ASK.

******* How dare the weather ruin their vacation?! Did the weather not know that it was their last day! ( It’s always their last day)

******** Didn’t mean to yell

********* All who I might add, asked them specifically if they knew what they were in line for, and if they needed any help.

********** Its just a rough draft, but I think I’m going places with this!

OH EM GE, The Cobbgoblin remembered that he has a blog?!?!

Posted in Uncategorized on February 28th, 2008 by thecobbgoblin

So I just realized that I have a blog that I should be utilizing. So here goes another wonderful Cobbgoblin post. Recently for the Alumni Group we’ve been compiling our site together using similie as our timeline program. One of the bigger points of the timeline is the addition of videos INSIDE THE BUBBLE!!!!* The concept of placing a video inside the timeline even baffled some of the best minds at the University** it came down to your friendly neighborhood Cobbgoblin to figure out how to place the video inside the timeline bubble. Now I bet you’re asking yourself “How did he do it?!”*** Well I have the answer. So for those of you who need this code go right ahead and use it, and all that I ask is somewhere on the site you add a point that you were helped by TheCobbgoblin. Now you’re asking “Well, when is he going to give us the special code?!**** Here it is for those of you who need it*****

So right after the area where the description is placed, add this code into the html.

<div>
<strong>Video: </strong>
<object width=”425″ height=”355″>
<param name=”movie” value ex:src-content=”.video”><

/param>
<param name=”wmode” value=”transparent”></param>
<embed ex:src-content=”.video” type=”application/x-shockwave-flash” wmode=”transparent” width=”425″ height=”355″></embed>
</object>
</div>

Also, make sure that you have a column titled “video” inside your spreadsheet, or else the code will not work. Also inside that video cell you must add the part of the YouTube video embed link for the video. But be warned, using this code will cause a video section to pop up in every timeline bubble, a small price to pay for the ability to add videos to the timeline.

No zen.

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* Much better than outside, ya know?

** Or just the DTLT

*** Short answer, I’m awesome

**** Be patient

***** James Monroe group, not really for you

A Timeline Worthy of Cobbgoblin Praise

Posted in Uncategorized on February 7th, 2008 by thecobbgoblin

So in Tuesday’s class the part that was of most use for my group, or so I believe, is the function of the time line based in google spreadsheets.  This will allow the time line to be edited by users after we’re done with it, which contributes to the information and timeline’s permanence on the web.  Even if the original site becomes outdated, at least the code for the site will remain.

I actually have to agree with Matt’s post concerning del.icio.us, and it being pretty much useless.  I have tried numerous* times to use the digital bookmarking site and I personally would rather just use my own bookmarking system and be done with it.  I do however understand the implications that come from a digital bookmarking system in which I can share with my group the sites I’ve found that relate to our project.  That is helpful, but I would like to hear from some of you who have utilized the bookmarking site,**  I sure hope its going better for you.

In Cobbgoblin related news, I lost my iPod.  I’m not sure how many of you actually have lost yours before, but its pretty much the end of the world, or losing an appendage.  So as of recent I have spent my time browsing ebay for an iPhone.  But here is the catch, I don’t wanna pay more than 60$ for it.  Mainly because I can’t allocate*** the funds for such a purchase.  Basically what I’m saying is as of today I’m starting the “Buy Austin an iPhone Fund.”****

And now for a very history moment of zen.

Excelsior!

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* So like twice

** Not Dr. McClurken… I’m almost certain he knows what he’s doing there

*** Man this word a day calendar is AWESOME!

**** For details***** please see Austin.

***** Details cost about 5$ apiece.

Blogging While In Class… That’s How The Cobbgoblin Rolls

Posted in Uncategorized on January 29th, 2008 by thecobbgoblin

SO, let me start off by saying I received NO belated birthday wishes today… its alright, you all will get yours in the end.  But now, the in class lecture today seemed to take about an hour and fifteen minutes, yet only about 5 or 10 minutes of the lecture seemed relevant to our projects.  Its just kind of frustrating to be, like I said before, shown all of these tools but not really have any idea how to use them in our projects.  Dr. McClurken is, at the moment, refuting this post and pretty much making it debunk.  But we’ll see what happens on thursday I guess.

No zen for today.

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